humor-in-aging

Sex and the Surgery – Humor in Aging

My husband had knee replacement surgery five days ago. My double hernia repairs are five weeks post op. Still wearing a support girdle with doctors orders to refrain from the activity that made those big babies that caused those big hernias in the first place.

But I’ve been detecting those “come hither” vibes from the patient I’m nursing in the bedroom with me. Those men and their libidos!

So at 6:00 am I change out of my granny gown,brush my teeth and, with towel and massage oil in hand, tiptoe into our dark chamber. Tripping over the walker, I manage to catch myself and feebly light a candle….so far so good.

With illumination I discover that there is no space on the bedside table because it is littered with a breathing exerciser, gauze pads and a urinal… I will not be daunted.

Hiding the oil under the pillow, I peel out of my girdle and slip into ( ok, lumber into) our bed. As I reach tenderly for my beloved he rips off his breathing machine and envelops me in his embrace…. It ain’t pretty but I’ll take it!

May we all keep a sense of humor as our bodies fall apart! May we not become daunted in reaching out to love those other pitiful people who need it as much as we do!

sand-heart-at-the-beach

Do You Love Me? The Importance of Friendship and Marriage

When was the last time you said that? How recently have such thoughts immerged?

It is not surprising that that everyone needs love. It is one of the most basic ingredients for human survival– essential and life-giving. How sad it is when a husband or wife feels compelled to ask this question of a spouse.

What kind of love do we need? The Greek language has four different words for love.

  • Agape, love on a spiritual level
  • Eros, emotional, chemical, physical attraction
  • Storge, love a parent has for a child
  • Philia, friendship

We might argue that all are important to marriage. Nevertheless spiritual stoicism or animal magnetism does not a good marriage make.

Deep abiding friendship in marriage is invaluable yet often neglected, C.S. Lewis says.

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.

The actions of true friends communicate concern and admiration. Honesty and self-disclosure in a friendship provide safety and boundaries for nurture. A true friend always lets you in and never lets you down.

Every married couple needs the vital healing power of committed friendship. So how do we get it?

Be a friend to your husband.

* Respect and encourage him.

If instead of a gem, or even a flower, we should cast the gift of a loving thought into the heart of a friend, that would be giving as the angels give.     –George MacDonald

“Cast a loving thought into his heart,” by showing him that you care about him. Small but repeated acts of consideration go a long way.

* Share your inner self with him. Let him in on your dreams for him and the attributes you most admire. Help him to become better!

Don’t expect your friend to be a perfect person. But, help your friend to become a perfect person. That’s true friendship.–Mother Theresa

* Don’t let him down.

Help him to know you’ve got his back. Don’t allow the needs of your children or home to make him feel marginalized. Perhaps, as a result of neglect, your relationship is more a marriage of enemies than lovers.

I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends. –Abraham Lincoln

Have the courage to risk extravagant giving of yourself for him. Be a friend to him and refuse to expect payback. Keep at it and you may be surprised to discover a mutual friendship developing in your marriage.

The only way to have a friend is to be one. –Ralph Waldo Emerson