develop greater intimacy | kim skinner | words for women blog

5 Ways To Develop Intimacy In Marriage

Don’t you want to be truly known and understood? Not just pitied or tolerated, but affirmed, encouraged and adored? That’s intimacy. But it’s difficult to reach – and costly to maintain. Be proactive in developing such a relationship by taking the following steps.

1. Reestablish your commitment.

This is primarily a unilateral decision. If an intimate relationship is your goal, remember that intimacy thrives when planted in the rich soil of unconditional love.

2. Think like a man.

Understand that, for him, sex is primary! It cannot be separated from his understanding of intimacy. Verbal intimacy may be your goal but jump in with both feet and be intimate with him in the language he speaks.

3. Brainstorm romantic strategies to arouse him.

Being available, cheerful, and awake for regular sexual encounters actually promotes emotional intimacy. Additionally, you may find your satiated man more communicative and self-aware.

 4.  Risk vulnerability.

Making demands, refusing to take the first step, or half-hearted attempts all spring from self-protection. Be ALL IN and make it safe for him to open up.

5.  Spend time together.

Seek to share in his dreams as you affirm him and ask gentle questions. Listen well. Affirm his attributes and appreciate the uniqueness in him.

These general guidelines have been proven powerful, but must be repeated often – and with enthusiasm. Don’t grow weary in loving deliberately. It’s worth it.

Asking Our Husbands For Help

Asking Our Husbands For Help

I recently read this humorous definition of outdoor barbecuing:

When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion:

One. The woman goes to the store to buy all the ingredients for the meal.

Two. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables and dessert.

Three. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a cola.

Four. The man places the meat on the grill.

Five. The woman goes inside to set the table, put out the condiments, and check the vegetables.

Six. The woman comes out to tell the man the meat is burning.

Seven. The man gets off his lounge chair, puts his cola down, takes the meat off the grill, and hands it to the woman.

Eight. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.

Nine. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

Ten. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off.” And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.

Funny, but true I think. Nevertheless, we women have the potential to help our husbands to help us or to further develop helplessness in these poor men.

Last week my husband and I spent a week alone with the purpose of resting and re-committing ourselves to a vibrant healthy marriage relationship. Here are some of the neglected principles I, again, recognized.

When we need help from our husbands, we should kindly and specifically request such help. Example: “Honey it would mean so much to me and make my day less stressful if you would please ______.” Remember to follow this with affection and positive encouragement.

Wait patiently, refusing to do the task yourself, and praise his efforts upon completion. Don’t correct or criticize.  Help him to understand why you appreciate what he has accomplished.

 Ask him for affirmation and encouragement.  When it comes to caring for the home and children, I am generally more comfortable and efficient. I have found that possibly the most helpful way my husband contributes to the family is with a supportive attitude and repeated words of affirmation and appreciation. Don’t hesitate to say, “Honey, today I really need for you to brag on me.”

Refuse to poke fun at your husband’s attempts at domestic helping. My patient husband helped me to understand that my humorous comments about his peculiarities or ineptness around the house hurt him deeply. I needed to be called out. Instead, I have committed to expressing gratitude for the many things he does for me and our family.

In conclusion, I have discovered that left unchecked I am naturally prone to be selfish and demanding. “I need” is the voice of my heart. When I am reminded to be considerate of the needs of my husband, I discover that he responds with a cheerful willingness to help. Amazing but true. The more we demand the less we receive. The more we give the better. Give it a try.