I’ll admit that I am still feeling guilty about the bags of Butterfinger Bites I ate over this past Spring Break. In addition to the hours of baseball games, sunbathing, and binge eating, I enjoyed rereading Charlotte Brontë’s classic, Jane Eyre. Now THAT girl was true to herself!
As the tragic man that she loved (who was also married) begged her to love him, she declared:
“I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will keep the law given by God; sanctioned by man. I will hold to the principles received by me when I was sane and not mad – – as I am now. Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation: they are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigour; stringent are they; inviolate they shall be. If at my individual convenience I might break them, what would be their worth? They have a worth – – so I have always believed; and if I cannot believe it now, it is because I am insane – – quite insane: with my veins running fire, and my heart is beating faster than I can count it’s throbs. Preconceived opinions, foregone determinations, are all I have at this hour to stand by. There I plant my foot. ”
In his book “Yoga and the Quest for the True Self” Stephen Cope says:
“People feel profoundly like they’re not living from who they really are…The result is a sense of near desperation.”
It may be that I am just coming down from a sugar high, but I believe that I feel that near desperation. Who am I anyway? Am I the poised middle aged woman of conviction who can plant her foot like Jane Eyre? Or am I an undisciplined immature binge eater doomed for self destruction?
I recently read an article from Psychology Today by Karen Wright entitled “Dare to be Yourself: Being True to Oneself is Not for the Faint of Heart”(May 1 2008, Nov 4, 2014)
Three symptoms of self-estrangement are enumerated.
- The vague sense of dissatisfaction
- The feeling of emptiness
- The sting of self-betrayal
Yikes! Guilty as charged. You too?
Sometimes it feels as if I hardly know myself. Demoralizing as that may be, I am comforted to know the One who truly knows me. He had integrity when no one was looking and kept His promise to pay the price for my weak will. He tells me who I am in Him and comforts my soul.
If you’re like me you need a reminder ever so often! We are weak but He is strong! We will stumble but He will not let us go!
I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is always at my right hand, I will not be shaken.