How to Create a Safe Place for Emotional Connection

Picture a -Safe Place- (3)

As thoughtful wives we understand the importance of open communication. Unfortunately our schedule can get in the way. Let’s plan on building a safe place for communication to happen.

Tools needed:

  • The power tool called “us”
  • The leveling tool called “response”
  • The ambient light of “affirmation”
  • The drillpress of “sharing”
  • The polishing sandpaper of “physical contact”

One of my favorite building projects was a wooden milking stand for my dairy goats. I understood the purpose of such a structure and was motivated to study the plans carefully. I had learned from experience the importance of a good stand. Both the milker and the goat need to feel secure as they sit or stand together. Peace and trust are essential. I believe both are essential for marriage too.

As the assembly of my milking stand progressed I needed to frequently remeasure and assess my progress. A level was used to correct pieces that were out of alignment.

Many contributing factors can cause our marriage relationship to get out of alignment as well. We need to be continually vigilant in assessing our relationship. When something appears to be out of whack, the way we respond is very important.

What carpenter can work in the dark? Proper lighting is needed for correcting problems and accomplishing the tasks. By shining the light of affirmation on our husbands we prepare them for success and, sometimes, realignment. The power of positive words can never be underestimated. Encouragement is essential to life and growth. ( Dairy goats need it too for the milk to let down.)

A drill press is useful in consistency of movement and the ability to accurately join two separate things. Close proximity is important as well as the stability of each contributing part. Unity in marriage is accomplished through mutual sharing. One must be still and committed to receive the advances of the other and vice versa. Emotional inner-penetration is both scary at times and emotionally fulfilling at others. Keep on pressing.

As I became close to completing my milk stand, sandpaper was applied to smooth out the rough edges. Nothing but hands on elbow grease could accomplish this. No matter how busy out family life has become, there is no substitute for physical contact in smoothing out the rough edges of our marital union. Hands-on affection and encouragement go along way, especially when we become craggy and full of splinters.

If you have never witnessed the relief and pleasure on the face of a dairy goat that has been recently milked, you may need to take my word for it. It is a pleasure to behold.

As the one doing the milking, I can assure you that a contented goat lets down her milk better than one who is stressed out. The properly functioning milking stand helps to create this mutually beneficial relationship. Others benefits, too, include drinking the milk and eating the cheese.

Even if your husband has not been eating tin cans lately, he will kick up his heels because of your careful investment in this project.

Re-address your goals and visualize the outcome.

Gather those tools and begin implementing them carefully to build that safe place.

Security and growing intimacy in marriage can be even more satisfying than good goat cheese. You can take it from me.