How do you know when you are not being loved well? Irritability, hopelessness, stomach problems, or even deep anger may result. Tiny infants will die if they are not being emotionally and physically cared for.
Unfortunately, as busy moms, we often forget to even consider whether or not our husbands are feeling loved by us. This happens for several reasons:
- Men are less apt to talk about their feelings.
- Men are less expressive about their feelings so they are difficult for us to read.
- We wives may become resentful so we don’t even think about whether or not they are feeling loved.
The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman is an excellent book to jumpstart your love-life with your husband. This is a must-read! Since it has been out for many years you may have already read it. I would suggest that you pick it up again.
Taking the time to complete the assessment found in the back of the book is very beneficial. It helps us to determine how to encourage our husbands so that we may demonstrate our love more efficiently.
Encouraging your husband to take the test would be a great idea. But even if your husband is not willing, we wives generally know how they might answer the questions. Just take go through it considering how he would answer.
This should identify one or two love languages. Since this is the way we receive love most successfully, we can work on being deliberate lovers in at least one of five ways.
- Quality time: In this language husbands and wives spend time together without focusing on anyone else. Eye-contact is important and listening is essential. No expensive vacation is necessary but creativity is always helpful.
- Acts of service: With this language we may request that our husbands perform little specific services around the home so that we might feel loved by them. Similarly if your husband speaks this language wives should be diligent in determining how to serve them. (Word of warning: demanding acts of service stops the flow of love.)
- Physical touch: This love language is not necessarily sexual. It involves feeling pleasure from the touch of the other spouse. Whether you or your husband speak this language, it is always important. Even when we don’t feel like it, intentional behavior is loving.
- Gifts: Since giving gifts can symbolize love itself as with the wedding ring, gifts are always nice. Some spouses, however, feel very cherished and loved when they receive a gift from their Remember that the cost does not determined the value of the love. And remember, the gift of time is also an expression of love.
- Words of affirmation: For a person who responds to this love language inspiration and encouraging words are essential. The one speaking should determine what is important to the other and encourage along those lines.
Our children also tend to have certain love languages. By identifying the needs of those around us, we can more effectively love our families. This requires a commitment to love sacrificially. Marriages are healed and strengthened as we learn how to express love in a way that is received best emotionally.
May we, wives, become better lovers!