Marriage: On Neglecting Your Garden

You may not have a green thumb. I know that I don’t, but the first time I bought an orchid I promised to be a good steward of that beauty. I read all of the instructions, put reminders on my calendar, and checked it several times a day.

Soon time constraints and other priorities relegated care of the orchid to the back porch. Poor thing. May it rest in peace.

Have you been neglecting your marriage? In the early days didn’t we spend a lot of time and effort meeting the specific needs of our unique husbands. Weren’t we creative and energetic? Why, after so many years, do we choose to ignore our husbands needs?

As women we are prone to nurture. We are very busy pulling up weeds and pruning the leaves of our husband and family. All of this is in fact, exhausting. The next step is to blame our unsuspecting husbands for not appreciating us and for not helping us in our endeavors.

Note to self: Husbands do not take very kindly to having weeds picked from around them every time they return home.

Husbands tend to be the strategic planters and fertilizer engineers. We wives only want to feel loved and appreciated. Try not to resent the poor man. Many times our husband’s noble intention is to help us. Perhaps you could lovingly encourage him to NOT give advice, just hug you and listen.

A young friend of mine recently told of how her husband did the gardening in a redemptive way in their marriage. After an emotional outburst on her part her husband cautiously came to her. He was affirming in his recommitment and calmly helped her see selfish behavior. Since she felt loved and safe, she was able to receive his very helpful and true admonitions.

What was going on then? Their roots were growing deeper and more intermingled and secure.

ACCEPT the way things are in the garden.

  • Shifting the blame and bemoaning our fate ….it’s a waste of time. “why aren’t you ______?” Or “if only I was_____!” Perpetuates hostility and brokenness in marriage.
  • Flourishing in a struggling garden can begin with you. You need to be willing to change first.
  • It only takes one person to change the dynamic of a relationship. That person can be you.